Real estate talk

Jeez!!! It looks like Ive finally given that bald corpulent presenter prick from Ficnhley the shake off. What a creep!!!

How you all doing??? Heres something thats been going round the office apart from flu and genital herpes hope you like it. Shouldnt really be giving away trade secrets but what the heck!?!?

WHAT ESTATE AGENTS SAY AND WHAT THEY MEAN

PERIOD: about as comfortable as living with a woman who's getting hers.
QUAINT: like where hobbits live.
TARDIS-LIKE: matchbox on the outside, shoe box on the inside.
CHARACTER: Hannibal Lecter was a character.
HISTORIC SETTING: all surrounding buildings in ruins.
LISTED: either to the left or the right.
RECENTLY EXTENDED: there's a dining table in the garage.
FULLY UPDATED: now has running water.
READY TO MOVE IN: we've cleaned it.
FULLY MODERNISED: we've cleaned the carpets too.
STARTER HOME: but the mould will finish you off.
LUXURY APARTMENTS: should have seen the place before it burnt down.
PRESTIGIOUS LOCATION: no drug dealers, just the occasional arsonist.
NO CHAIN: but you'll need a big one for the front door.
SOUGHT AFTER AREA: the cops are still searching for the crack.
EXCLUSIVE DEVELOPMENT: no one else would build here.
INTERNAL INSPECTION RECOMMENDED: by damp proofers.
EXTENSIVE CELLAR SPACE: Fred and Rosemary used to live here.

XXX Fran